Diskografie


 

Patient Hope in New Snow


The heat comes in distant shifts to fill up my room
It spills out of these ancient vents, to meet the new cold
And I lay in my twisted sheets and stare out at the snow
Thinking of the next few months, my cold and lifeless eyes
No, I've never felt so separate
And then there's you, but that's so obvious
So I'll just say that it's hopeless, and I know this
That's why I can't dream
No desire or circumstance keeps it from me
One by one, to department stores, we walk through the aisles
In the forest of designer clothes, you touch me and smile
And oh, for a moment, I could want nothing
Your bright eyes burn through my exploding heart
So we stand as the shoppers pass us
And for once I can feel a touch completely
And I need to just be near you and fill these empty eyes
But you start turning as resistance pulls you from my cold and boring life
Let's make this easy and let time pass
As devotion dies, the list goes on and on
What difference is it
I'm aching, and I'm waiting for the touch to cure the fear
To cure the fear


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Saturday as Usual


Virginia's almost sleeping, the night is getting older
There's static on the tv and she's lying on the sofa
The cats crawl over her
Jenny's in the garage, she's got the car in neutral
She rolls it out so quietly
It's Saturday as usual
It always is
And me I'm in my bedroom, drawing in my notebook
'Cause my hand thinks I'm an artist, but my heart knows I'm a poet
It's just words, they mean so little to me
So little to me, so little to me
And I can't seem to deal with something more from everyone
It falls back (?)
Daddy's in the backyard, his hands are getting dirty
And mom is in the kitchen, and the cake says that I'm thirteen
Another year
My brother went to college to become a doctor
And if he studies hard enough, he'll end up just like father
Who hates his life
And me, I'm in the bathroom, crying out my eyelids
'Cause it's hard to be a man when you're scared
Just like a little kid
Words become a little too mean
And I can't see the point of patient love
When everyone just wants to get fucked


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Falling Out of Love at This Volume


Tell me what you wanted to hear
Let me do the right thing, let me do the wrong thing
And if it's ever this clear
I'll only say it once
Just let me turn the amps way up
So you can hear nothing
And if I die tonight, then I guess I die tonight
Let me go on
Just say what you wanted to say
I cannot stand these talks, dear
They're only getting nowhere
It's never resolved, we only run around
You only tell me anyone could be just like me
If it was a different time and a different place to be
You would go on


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Exaltation on a cool, kitchen floor


I wanted to come visit you waiting in the springtime
When the leaves change
And the ground outside is begging for that newness that surrounds us
As we dance back through the screen door
In the sunlight of mid-April
But the glow won't stop the smiles that are spreading on our faces
As we fall down on the kitchen floor
And she's laughing about something that she had heard earlier
And I can't help noticing that she is sitting closer to me
Than she ever has before


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The awful sweetness of escaping sweat


We escape from the house as the day disappears from the sky into night
We became what we wanted to be, like a dream or a ghost
I collapsed out of turn near a house
Lying still in the grass and felt the heat from the ground
Rising up to contract and expand like a breath
We leave from that place soaked with sweat and the poison we drank
Fill the bathtub with ice and hope this fever will break
Like a heart, easily
But I do not recall all the words that were formed
On those wire lips as they greeted me
A promise was made without thought as the temperature climbed
And I started to sink like the moon tends to do if you stare at it so long
Then you blink and it's gone, and we crawl to our sleep with the dawn
And isn't it the same mistake? And isn't it the same mistake?
There's not much you can escape
And isn't it the same?
We awake in the light feeling hollow and selfishly warm
Close the blinds and retreat until what's burning is gone
And its light is away
Then we're back in the dark chasing nothing through backyards and trees
You ripped your shirt on a fence, but it didn't get me
Yeah, it's fear, it makes you slow
And these creatures look crooked, their shadows cut lines through my face
And the concrete is fire where my bare feet are placed
In a line next to yours
And I guess I'm not sure if it's fear that was born
As those awful eyes laid their claim on us
I put my hands on the fence, said your name, and I started to climb
And it must have been sweat but I drank it like wine
It was sweet, my mouth was dry
I heard your scream but I made no reply
I can still taste it now if I try


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Puella quam amo est pulchra


I had a beautiful, beautiful time
The drives and the talks were amazing
The kind of friend I thought I'd never find
I had a beautiful, beautiful time
You have a beautiful, beautiful smile
The way it curls and collapses on your lips
When you touch me I shake like a child
It's late, I'm afraid you might leave
'Cause sometimes it seems like you still don't believe me
There's nothing I can do to concentrate
It's so distracting, always thinking of you
So I expose and explain and I meant everything I said
And it's moments like this that repeat and replay in my head
When I'm laying in bed
It's a beautiful, beautiful time
As you laugh and roll onto your stomach
The carpet embraces your design
My heart pounds as I lay by your side
And I find that I am unable to hide all these feelings that flow
In this basement, and in this dim light, you look so beautiful
I'm unsure and unclear with the words that I say
I'm happy when you're near and I wish that forever could stay
Just like today
You have beautiful, beautiful eyes
So bright and alive and enchanting
I want to be with you all of the time
It's hopeless but I have to try


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How many lights do you see?


How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There's one to say that night has come
And there's one that guards this jagged shore
And there's one to call the children home
And there's one to light the path they take
How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There's one to keep the shadows off
And there's one that tells me she got home
And there's one to read his novel by
And there's one that warms this dreary room
And there's one to watch the baby sleep
And there's one to count the blinking stars
And there's one that I just can't forget
And there's one that I remember too
How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There's one that waits for closing time
And there's one that gets left on all night
And there's one that marks the western sky
And it shines down on the quiet street
And there's one that floods the darker parts
And there's one that hurts my tired eyes
And there's one that says she's not asleep
And there's one that waits for her to wake
How many lights do you see?
How many lights do you see?
There is one that spills out on the beach
And it sparkles on the jetting rocks
And there is one that waits for tired ships
That sleep within this tired port


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I watched you taking off


Meaning is sometimes hard to spot
It begins with the flickering of cigarettes
In the darkness of a dorm room, somewhere in this suffocated Midwest
But if this is real then I was mistaken
And if there is truth then why can't we find it?
But beauty comes to those who have been waiting
For something that is bigger than themselves
But this is the sound of the hopeless kids
As they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
And this is the sound of the hopeless ones
As they stare down at their books and realize that they've been lied to
But if this is real then I was mistaken
And if the vision's gone, then I was not aware
Consistency like that which I have craved is that people change so unexpectedly
And realization finds you in a drunken airport
Some planes depart and others never arrive
So with this in mind I don't plan on waiting
If it's time to leave and break these old ties
Without something more the vision is fading
But until it's gone the pain will make us try
But this is the hope I've been searching for
As the wings catch the sunlight of the cold Nebraska skyline
And this is the dream I am dying in
As I wake to find tomorrow, be content without perfection
But if this is real then I was mistaken
And if the vision's gone then I was not aware


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A celebration upon completion


My grandfather's name was Moon because his eyes were bright and round
And no amount of time or liquor could dull them
My grandmother's name was Joy because it spilled out of her heart
And bathed her precious children in its warmth
And there was happiness in life beyond the sorrow and the pain
But how they ever found it I cannot explain
I guess time has a way of making everything all right
It's just there's not enough of it
And so we drink and we sing and we celebrate this life
And hope that it will last
Morning is here, and night has passed
My grandfather was a doctor, he cured the sick with his kind hands
And he taught me how to sail and how to find dry land
My grandmother was all sweetness, when she spoke we all heard bells
And they rang in such a way that we were comforted
And they held on to each other with all the strength they had
And they loved with devotion beyond what I understand
But fear has a way of making sleep unbearable, and the days seem cold and long
But we'll cry and we dance, and we stumble into love in awkward, perfect grace
The moon is gone and the sun has took its place


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Emily, sing something sweet


Emily, sing something sweet for me
I want to feel the warmth inside your heart
Emily, sing something sweet for me
I need to feel those words out of your mouth
Emily, sing something, please
I want to face the life behind your eyes
Emily, sing something, something, something, sweet


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All of the Truth


It is not the past few days that have made me feel this way
And it is not the tiny marks of doubt that cover everything I see
It is just the way she looks at me with a love so complete
That I have never seen
And from this grows a strong, undying guilt
The feeling of regret for things I never felt
But oh, I wanted to change and become what she needs
I know what she needs, what I can never be


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One straw (please)


And, if it's true, baby, I'm the one in love with you
And I guess that I've been all my life
And I know, and I'll try
And I'll love you more than those other guys
'Cause you mean the world to me
You're exactly what I need
Baby, I'm waiting for you to stop shaking and come closer to me
My love and protection, my love and devotion, devotion
Covered the spread, won the bets
And now I'm the one who won your heart, and I hope that you'll always be mine
'Cause our love is for all time
And trust of a virtue, I'll never desert you
Or leave you behind
Forever and ever, yeah, we'll be together
Together, we'll be
And if it's true, baby, I'm the one in love with you
And I swear that I've been all my life
Covered the spread, won the bets
Baby, I'm the one that won your heart
And I know, and if it's true


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Lila


Close your eyes
The dark outside can't hurt you
And I will never desert your bedside
So close them tight
The stars are so glad that they've found you
And on the blankets that surround you
They shine their light, they shine their light
So rest your head, and I will be watching from the doorway
As you slip into a perfect, peaceful sleep
And morning will come, in all its simple glory
And you will find the light
And I will be there, standing in your shadow
Knowing that you once were mine
All mine, my baby, my girl


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A few minutes on friday


She kills, with foreign films, the emptiness of day to day
And I wait until the weekend comes
So I can clear this uselessness from my brain
I count the days until she arrives, those precious minutes when she is mine
As we walk from my front door to her car we're so close and alone
But that will disappear in a room filled with the warmth of others' company
There's just too much company
I hide my wounded pride and stare off into the other cars
If I could just speak the words to tell her exactly how I feel
I count the ways that I might say it but I know that none of them will work
Because she won't feel the same
I've come this far but I can't go through with it
Because the truth would hurt too much, this hurts too much
She goes back to the west coast to drink in the sunshine
And I will stay here in these dead plains and try to make a seed grow
And I would pray for rain if I thought that it would help


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Supriya


Agony and withdrawal disrupt my well-being
A voice flooded by the piercing and the sounds of distant lands
Silence is my heart, I carry out my cross
While the sun suffers away
The clouds reveal the chariots of venus
Restrictions of time and space retire
While her bright eyes burn through my exploding heart
And I can see I'm in heaven with her flesh in my arms
Easy the undeniable, the misery of my lack of truth
With the truth of love


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Solid Jackson


She says she's read too many fashion magazines
She's forgotten what real love is like
And as the basement collects more kids off the street
They smoke themselves to death waiting for the band to begin
They've been tuning up there for an hour now
And I don't think I can stand another minute more
But just then the first chord strums, and the drums set in
And I know what I have been waiting around for
Because no one's going home until the morning comes
No one's going to sleep until the sun comes up
Did you hear those first two songs?
They were fucking tuff
And the band's not going to stop until the cops show up
So hold your applause until the end, and wait for the sadness to set in
Because that's the only feeling that's worth a damn
He says he's done with the pop music scene
There's too many opinions and so few are worth a shit
He has got to learn to act a little more mean
Because the mean ones always end up with the record deals
And it's only when I'm angry that I feel complete
When we are screaming at each other is when I am most happy
I hang out with my friends and then I get depressed
And I drink myself to sleep with any strength that is left
And I quit going to church a year ago
And my teachers think that my faith is gone
But I can do without the eucharist because I found God
In a Solid Jackson song


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February 15th


All eyes on the calendar, another year I claim of total indifference
To here the days pile up with decisions to be made
I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song, I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse and forget
This wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
I'm sorry about the phone call, and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing, or not wanting to
There are some things that you can't fake
I guess that it's typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago
Or a friend that you used to know
And there, below his frozen face, you wrote the name and that ancient date
And you can't believe he is really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song
I'm sorry about the phone call and waking you
I know that it's late
But thank you for talking, because I needed to
Some things just can't wait


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The 'feel-good' revolution


Come by when you get off work
I'll be sitting around doing nothing
We can wait till the sun goes down
Then we can drive off deep into the night I don't care where we're going, as long as I'm going with you
The summer swells in, with the heat comes a new kind of wanting
Cool nights never cooled us off
Lay around and wait for something to happen
When it is three lonely figures
A bedroom, a basement, she's scared
Which one is sleeping and which one is lying awake?
Yeah, which one is sleeping and which one is lying about it?
Afternoons drag on and on, movie nights that never end
We can hang out all night long, lay in bed and talk to a good friend
'Cause you only get older and you probably forget what it's like
The university's quiet today
We didn't clean, we just talked in the bathroom
The girl always gets in the way
Ruined friendships, but others replace them
These opinions are poison, I've been drinking them all of my life
I could never replace you, and I could never forget what it's like
Step out on a moonlit roof, the radio leads a feel good revolution
Cigarettes and my closest friends
I tell myself that I have to remember this
I have to remember this

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